Well, dear readers, it’s time for a change up of diarists. Full disclosure: following the non-linear, confusing nature of our texts, all these events possibly did not occur today.
As I drove to work, I passed a hand-made sign with the words ‘CAUTION SPEED CAMERA AHEAD’ painted in fluorescent orange. Maybe the sign’s creator is 1) saving his neighbours from fines, 2) foiling the police’s plans one fluorescent sign at a time, or 3) is sick of people speeding by to get to the local shops. Either way, I’m pretty sure the old man I saw later on a home-made electronic go kart wouldn’t have been going faster than 50kph anyway… (This has nothing to do with school; I just thought it was the odd type of thing that should be included in a blog. Old man + go kart = blog win/possible tragedy).
In our office today, Miss McClimens and I commiserated over our second place in a trivia night on the weekend. “I’ve had that One Direction song stuck in my head all weekend,” I said. “Luckily I don’t really know how it goes…”
“It goes woah, oh oh, that’s what makes you beautiful. Woah oh…”. Cue Miss McClimens singing One Direction, cue me quickly grabbing my books and running in one direction: to my English class.
Introducing Black Diggers and World War One. What does everyone know about WWI?
Student 1: “That’s the war that Wonder Woman was in.”
Me, in my head: Umm, well, that was a fictional film and World War One was real and…
Me, out loud: “Umm, well… yes. Yes, World War One is the war that Wonder Woman was in.”
Later, Student 1 is googling images of Wonder Woman. So, obviously I need to investigate…
Me: Why are you looking at Wonder Woman?
Student 1: Because, I’m researching a scene in the trenches.
Me: But Wonder Woman wasn’t there! She isn’t in Black Diggers!
Student 1: She could have been. Maybe she was Stan. I’m going to make her Stan…
Me: (quick google check) OK, but Wonder Woman was in the war in 1916. Is your scene set in 1916?
Student 1: (Checks, then sadly) No. 1917.
Me: Well then, I guess Stan can’t be Wonder Woman. She’d already left the war by then.
Student 2: I have a question: is Stan white or black?
Me: Well, even though he’s named he’s white, but…
Student 2: (The happiest I’ve ever heard him) Yesssssss!
Student 2: It means Nick is wrong. NICK! IS! WRONG!
Me: Well, maybe Nick assuming a character is indigenous rather than white makes him the (W)rightest of us all. (That pun is for you, Miss McClimens!)
Student 2: Ok, in The Longest Memory the head slave, Mr Whitechapel…
Me (and the rest of the class): No, Whitechapel.
Student 2: Wait, what? Isn’t that who I said?!
Me (and the rest of the class): No, Mr Whitechapel is the white plantation owner. Whitechapel is the head slave.
Student 3: And Chapel is the son.
Student 2: They’re all different people?! How many characters are called Whitechapel?!
Me (and the rest of the class): And Mr Whitechapel’s father as well.
Student 2: (head explodes)
At lunch, Mr Murphy was trying to explain a Text and Traditions conundrum. Mr Murphy: “Denari…! A coin…! Not a coin…! Worth not much…! Worth a lot…! Contradictions…! Numbers…!” Yep, I’m looking back over this conversation, and this is exactly what Mr Murphy said. It went on for a lot longer because I’m pretty sure he just kept repeating those phrases. Possibly in the original Greek.
Guest Edit (Mr Murphy): What I actually said made perfect sense.
Response to Guest Edit: I think the official record proves otherwise, Denari Boy. #notfakenews
Miss Chan told me that Makar (who has totally not been mentioned in the blog thus far) was amazed to hear that I play hockey with her. Later I told him that I was sure that I had mentioned hockey before.
Makar: Yeah, I do remember. You said you needed to practise to get better at hockey the same way that we need to practise essay writing to prepare for the exam.
Me: Yessss! You remembered something from class! You’re making it to the blog, Makar!
(He would also like it known that, in the previous blog post, he actually said Albert Einstein, not “that Jewish guy”. You can decide which is funnier.)
Mrs Mason usually makes it into the blog. She visited my class today to find a student. Then she left.
And so, as I head home, I look out for the sign and the speed camera, and I realise that sometimes you need to take matters into your own hands. Take control of your year 12 days and write your own signs. Do those practice essays. Then do more. Speak only in All About Eve quotes. Imagine Wonder Woman somewhere in the background of Black Diggers. Picture Tom Hardy as Sanders Jnr. Or as Lieutenant Rooke. (No? I guess you could choose your own Hardy replacement. I just don’t understand why you would…)
Like I said, dear readers, create your own way of handling Year 12 English. Remember, we don’t throw you a Valedictory party because you crushed Jasheel in your lunch time lemon games! We do it because we make you write essays and encourage you to work the hardest that you’ve ever worked in your life. Go ahead, be the Margo Channing, Tagarang or Eve (if you’re feeling particularly duplicitous) of your own lives.
I would like to thank Joseph for inviting me to write today’s blog. (Get better soon, wongsephjo!) I would also like to thank Kripa for always cleaning my white board scribblings! (Thanks, Kripa!) And finally, thanks to the secret students of my class who provided so many memorable moments that in no way possibly inspired the events in today’s blog.
“Cut! Print it! What happens in the next reel?” I guess you’ll have to wait for Joseph’s next blog to find out…